The First Note

When I started to go to church, I only went because it made my son happy. I thought, "Well at least he can learn some decent morals". But I really thought that although the life lessons taught there were good, the whole heaven and hell, angels and demons concept was a complete obsurdity. I thought, "Who are these people to tell me that the only righteous way to live is as a Christian? You people are mere humans, not superior all knowing beings, how can you point the finger at my life and judge when you can't really know for sure yourselves? Whoever this God is, He gave us all brains so that we can think for ourselves. There are many ways to the top of the mountain. How dare you act as if morally superior to anyone else. You are a bunch of hypocrits anyway!"

Sound familiar?

In my mind at the time, wearing a cross necklace was like having an electric chair hang around your neck. And worshipping something? My pride would not allow me to comprehend that. BUT THEN, some weird things began to happen in my life, things I could not chalk up to coincidence, and the more I communed with these mysteriosly happy people, the more I could not ignore that there was something to this thing. There was something I could not put my finger on, something living, something my insides hungered for.

This conflicted with my intellect, my common sense. An epic "battle" between good and evil? This book that mere men wrote? Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? Worship of some man that existed a gazillion years ago? I tried so hard to wrap my mind around it all and simalstaniously explain this hunger I was having. I just couldn't understand, but I knew that I couldn't remain in this limbo forever.
One night, I sat in my living room trying to understand the concept of this Christian God. Who is He? How are these things true? How is it that educated, normal people get so caught up in this? How do I explain my recent seemingly supernatural experiences? So, I dug out an old bible I had and said out loud. "Ok God.....show me what you’ve got. If you are for real, help me understand, which way do I go?". With my eyes closed, I aimlessly and without expectation, let the delicate pages flip from my fingers, and pointed at a random spot. And there it was, His first love letter to me...

Beloved,

Trust in ME with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;


in all your ways acknowledge Me,


and I will make your paths straight.


Love,
Your King
(Proverbs 3:5)

As I stared at the words, my eyes filled with tears, and I felt something... A rush of understanding flooded my mind, with clarity and peace that felt foriegn to me. He came like a courting gentleman who chivalrously appeared to carry a bag of stones for me. Out of the thousands of words written in that book, what are the chances that after saying what I did, my finger would fall upon those words?

And that was only the beginning...