And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 NLT
Nothing? Never? Even when I lay on my bathroom floor drunk, high, and throwing up on myself? Or when I was homeless and shacked up with a stranger just to have a place to sleep? When I lied, cheated, and stole? What about in my darkest, lowest, most disgusting hour? Was I loved then?
Every single one of us can add to this dark moment list. In the eyes of man, some are more forgivable than others. They may be moments we've overlooked, understated, or rationalized for fear of facing reality. However, when you look at it long enough, deep in your heart you know just how dark that hour was. So maybe you spend the rest of your life holding this moment over yourself, allowing it to define who your are, punishing, blaming, resenting and depriving yourself or someone else. Or maybe you obsess over it and live in your own prison of condemnation. You start to believe on some level that you are not worthy of love. Some may strive to make up for those moments, believing that you will never break even.
But then you receive a letter from the One who sees you....all of you and it says that you were never alone, and that there was never a moment that you were not loved, especially in your darkest hour. It is a love that requires nothing of you. How scandalous! A love that is unearned? An all knowing love? A love that separates who you are from your past and from what you do?
There is nothing that you can do to win His love. You can give up all of your money to feed the poor, go to church 7 days a week, pray and read your bible 5 hours a day, and be perfect and blameless for the rest of your life. Performance will not make you more loved than if you just sat there and did nothing. Why? Because nothing, not the absence of works, not your eating disorder, your addiction, what you did last night, what you will do tomorrow, the abuse you endured, NOTHING can separate you from this extravagant and scandalous love.
What would happen to us if we accepted this love? How can we wrap our heads around such an anomaly? How can we let it in? Today, we can choose to believe without understanding. We can allow ourselves to be captivated with this love. Then and only then, will we see who we truly are, sons and daughters of the one true King.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
Saturday, December 1, 2012
a song of my heart
In the darkest moment of my life, somehow, God put this song in my heart.
You are always good,
speak tenderly to me
You win my heart with love,
and you never leave.
Even though you lead me through the desert.
my heart won't desert you.
I will always love you,
I will not forget you
Because I know your ways are higher,
you know beginning from the end
I am your possession,
and I'll love you till the end
I will trust not in my bow,
or not in my sword
but in your name,
I'll trample enemies,
You have won me with your love
You have won me with your blood
As you hung there on the cross,
with arms wide open
So I, give it all to you,
all my hopes and dreams.
I give my crown to you,
Have your way with me.
You are always good,
speak tenderly to me
You win my heart with love,
and you never leave.
Even though you lead me through the desert.
my heart won't desert you.
I will always love you,
I will not forget you
Because I know your ways are higher,
you know beginning from the end
I am your possession,
and I'll love you till the end
I will trust not in my bow,
or not in my sword
but in your name,
I'll trample enemies,
You have won me with your love
You have won me with your blood
As you hung there on the cross,
with arms wide open
So I, give it all to you,
all my hopes and dreams.
I give my crown to you,
Have your way with me.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
His Perfect Works
My Child,
4 *I AM the Rock, *My works are perfect,
and all *My ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
upright and just *am I.
with Love,
Your Knight in Shining Armor
(Deuteronomy 32:4 *text originally written in the 3rd person)
How awesome is it to know that the God who loves and protects you is flawless? You are under the care of the most capable and valient knight in shining armor. Talk about peace and tranquility! He has is all figured out, and you are the focus of His desire.
HIS WORKS ARE PERFECT! What does this mean? Think about his actions, deeds,plans, creation, and word.
Everything that he allows into existance and into motion is perfect. Like what? Like sacrificing His son for our sins, putting you in traffic when you are late, your opening the bible to His personal word for you, words planted as seed in the ear of a stranger, the rain on your picnic, crossing paths with an old friend or.....you made in His image!
Somehow, every single solitary thing in our lives are His perfect works which intricately weave into a final result of works that are everlasting and extraordinarily incomprehensible. It is the original work of art, supreme, sovereign, never to be matched. Simply put, there is a reason for everything.
He is so perfect that it is beyond our earthly understanding of perfection, beyond the boundries of our imagination!
So, whoever you are, wherever you are, and whenever you are, whether is makes sense to you or not, is all part of this flawlessly woven tapestry......His perfect works.
Really, you have no choice in the matter. Remember Jonah and the whale? Although Jonah ignored the Lord's instruction, God put Jonah when and where he wanted him by the stomach of the whale. Even that was perfect because the people God sent him to speak to, worshipped whales! Talk about finding favor with people! Talk about making a path before you! So to avoid whale riding, don't fight it....as they say, "just let go and let God." And stop mulling over decisions and events to the point of confusion......He's got it under control, and He knows what steps you are going to take before you take Him. He makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Trust that your knight in shining armor has prepared a way for you.
The word "perfect" in Hebrew is transliterated to mean complete, whole, entire, sound.
GUES WHAT! YOU are complete, whole, entire, and sound ... and so is everything on the way.
4 *I AM the Rock, *My works are perfect,
and all *My ways are just.
A faithful God who does no wrong,
upright and just *am I.
with Love,
Your Knight in Shining Armor
(Deuteronomy 32:4 *text originally written in the 3rd person)
How awesome is it to know that the God who loves and protects you is flawless? You are under the care of the most capable and valient knight in shining armor. Talk about peace and tranquility! He has is all figured out, and you are the focus of His desire.
HIS WORKS ARE PERFECT! What does this mean? Think about his actions, deeds,plans, creation, and word.
Everything that he allows into existance and into motion is perfect. Like what? Like sacrificing His son for our sins, putting you in traffic when you are late, your opening the bible to His personal word for you, words planted as seed in the ear of a stranger, the rain on your picnic, crossing paths with an old friend or.....you made in His image!
Somehow, every single solitary thing in our lives are His perfect works which intricately weave into a final result of works that are everlasting and extraordinarily incomprehensible. It is the original work of art, supreme, sovereign, never to be matched. Simply put, there is a reason for everything.
He is so perfect that it is beyond our earthly understanding of perfection, beyond the boundries of our imagination!
So, whoever you are, wherever you are, and whenever you are, whether is makes sense to you or not, is all part of this flawlessly woven tapestry......His perfect works.
Really, you have no choice in the matter. Remember Jonah and the whale? Although Jonah ignored the Lord's instruction, God put Jonah when and where he wanted him by the stomach of the whale. Even that was perfect because the people God sent him to speak to, worshipped whales! Talk about finding favor with people! Talk about making a path before you! So to avoid whale riding, don't fight it....as they say, "just let go and let God." And stop mulling over decisions and events to the point of confusion......He's got it under control, and He knows what steps you are going to take before you take Him. He makes all things work together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Trust that your knight in shining armor has prepared a way for you.
The word "perfect" in Hebrew is transliterated to mean complete, whole, entire, sound.
GUES WHAT! YOU are complete, whole, entire, and sound ... and so is everything on the way.
Friday, November 26, 2010
A Perfect Purpose
Beloved,
But I have spared you for a purpose – to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth.
-King of kings.
(Exodus 9:16)
Do you think that all powerful God has so show us mercy to show His power? Of course He doesn't! There are many ways to show power without mercy and grace. We are but specs of dust at His feet, why does show his power for fame with mercy and grace?
We have all experienced darkness in our lives in one form or another. Some of us are in the midst of it right now. You might wonder, how can I be a Christian who loves the Lord, and feel depression and despair? Don’t beat yourself up....we didn't choose Christ because we are above doing wrong, human emotions and reactions, but because we desperately need Him, because our human nature cannot rise above all of those things.....it is God IN us that gets us past these things. So you might ask, how I know this?
Once upon a time, there was a woman who loved the Lord to pieces, but she was constantly fighting off sadness and disappointment. One day, the sadness seemed to consume her so intensely, that she thought she might die from the heartache. It got so bad, that she stopped working, cooking, cleaning, food shopping, getting out of bed.....everything. She woke up every morning and asked "God, please help me get out of bed, help me go to work, help me clean my house". She lay in her bed and sometimes on the floor and wept all day long, feeling guilty for her failures, and consumed with sadness. This went on for weeks, she stopped going to church, lost her job, her friends, and began to receive eviction notices on her apartment door.
She waited for someone to notice that she was missing and come and rescue her, and one or two did notice, but they did their duty of saying some kind words, and moved on with their own lives. Some people were just not able to withstand the sadness and had to step away from it. She continued to cry out to her Father every single day; She would say, “God, I know you won’t leave me here. I still love you.....when, will this end?”
Her sovereign God honored that glimmer of hope she had in Him and in His perfect way and perfect timing, His body began to move and reach out for her. In response, she desperately tried to move herself out of bed, but because she had no strength left, she fell every time she tried. But guess who had strength? God, the HOPE glory, the HOPE of nations. His tenacious Love, never gave up on her. I wonder, while she was waiting for Him, was He waiting for her to stop trying by her own strength?
She had no way or no one to pull her out, her only choice was to take her own life, or cry out to her Father. Just when she thought she could not bare the sadness any more, He woke her up, and His strength gently carried her out of bed. She knew her Father would rescue her, but when her knight in shining armor showed Himself, she could hardly believe it. Not only did he get her out of bed, but He brought her to churches, to teach bible studies, he gave her a voice, and even gave her a job that required a college education even though she didn’t have one. He lit a path and ordered her steps......He breathed life into the spec of dust at His feet, and selected her for His purpose with love, mercy and grace. He set her apart, purified her, made her holy onto Him. In other words, He picked her up, brushed her off, and showed her His glory.
Now, she knows that she doesn’t have to worry about being strong, she doesn’t have to worry about how, what, when, and where.....the peace that surpasses all understanding took over. She knows who her God is, that He will never leave her nor forsake her, that His ways are higher, that His love casts out fear, and that all things are possible because of Him. And that wherever she is, He is there right next to her. He has revealed His power and glory, and has spared her yet again. There is no place too dark or so despaired that will take that away from her EVER. And she would never take back that season of darkness, even if she could.....it was well worth it......just for a glimpse of His face.
I will spread your famous love around the earth all the days of my life.
You brought me here for such a time as this.
I want all of the world to know how I so desperately love my almighty God.
This is the new song of my heart.
But I have spared you for a purpose – to show you my power and to spread my fame throughout the earth.
-King of kings.
(Exodus 9:16)
Do you think that all powerful God has so show us mercy to show His power? Of course He doesn't! There are many ways to show power without mercy and grace. We are but specs of dust at His feet, why does show his power for fame with mercy and grace?
We have all experienced darkness in our lives in one form or another. Some of us are in the midst of it right now. You might wonder, how can I be a Christian who loves the Lord, and feel depression and despair? Don’t beat yourself up....we didn't choose Christ because we are above doing wrong, human emotions and reactions, but because we desperately need Him, because our human nature cannot rise above all of those things.....it is God IN us that gets us past these things. So you might ask, how I know this?
Once upon a time, there was a woman who loved the Lord to pieces, but she was constantly fighting off sadness and disappointment. One day, the sadness seemed to consume her so intensely, that she thought she might die from the heartache. It got so bad, that she stopped working, cooking, cleaning, food shopping, getting out of bed.....everything. She woke up every morning and asked "God, please help me get out of bed, help me go to work, help me clean my house". She lay in her bed and sometimes on the floor and wept all day long, feeling guilty for her failures, and consumed with sadness. This went on for weeks, she stopped going to church, lost her job, her friends, and began to receive eviction notices on her apartment door.
She waited for someone to notice that she was missing and come and rescue her, and one or two did notice, but they did their duty of saying some kind words, and moved on with their own lives. Some people were just not able to withstand the sadness and had to step away from it. She continued to cry out to her Father every single day; She would say, “God, I know you won’t leave me here. I still love you.....when, will this end?”
Her sovereign God honored that glimmer of hope she had in Him and in His perfect way and perfect timing, His body began to move and reach out for her. In response, she desperately tried to move herself out of bed, but because she had no strength left, she fell every time she tried. But guess who had strength? God, the HOPE glory, the HOPE of nations. His tenacious Love, never gave up on her. I wonder, while she was waiting for Him, was He waiting for her to stop trying by her own strength?
She had no way or no one to pull her out, her only choice was to take her own life, or cry out to her Father. Just when she thought she could not bare the sadness any more, He woke her up, and His strength gently carried her out of bed. She knew her Father would rescue her, but when her knight in shining armor showed Himself, she could hardly believe it. Not only did he get her out of bed, but He brought her to churches, to teach bible studies, he gave her a voice, and even gave her a job that required a college education even though she didn’t have one. He lit a path and ordered her steps......He breathed life into the spec of dust at His feet, and selected her for His purpose with love, mercy and grace. He set her apart, purified her, made her holy onto Him. In other words, He picked her up, brushed her off, and showed her His glory.
Now, she knows that she doesn’t have to worry about being strong, she doesn’t have to worry about how, what, when, and where.....the peace that surpasses all understanding took over. She knows who her God is, that He will never leave her nor forsake her, that His ways are higher, that His love casts out fear, and that all things are possible because of Him. And that wherever she is, He is there right next to her. He has revealed His power and glory, and has spared her yet again. There is no place too dark or so despaired that will take that away from her EVER. And she would never take back that season of darkness, even if she could.....it was well worth it......just for a glimpse of His face.
I will spread your famous love around the earth all the days of my life.
You brought me here for such a time as this.
I want all of the world to know how I so desperately love my almighty God.
This is the new song of my heart.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Hey Ma, I can't find the ketchup!
My Love,
Then you will call upon Me
and go and pray to Me,
and I will listen to you.
And you will seek Me and find Me,
when you search for Me with all your heart.
I will be found by you, says the LORD,
and I will bring you back from your captivity;
I will gather you from all the nations
and from all the places where I have driven you, says the LORD,
and I will bring you to the place
from which I cause you to be carried away captive.
Forever Yours,
Your King
(Jer 29:12-14)
How consumingly romantic. Have you ever received a love letter like THAT?
I can't tell you how many times my 14 yr old son say's "I can't find the ketchup" when I intentionally put it in a place where it can be easily found. I have to stop what I'm doing only to find my son standing in front of the fridge just staring. I walk over, slide the milk over a half of an inch and voila! Miraculously the item appears. I mean, for crying out loud, LOOK!
I'm sure I am not the only mother who has witnessed this phenomenon. How frustrating!
Just like each one of us, our Lord wants to be passionately pursued. He wants an intimate part of us that no one else gets.....and He gives us the same in return. El Shaddai wants to be found, and He places Himself in places where if we would just actively look, even with just a little effort, we get to find Him....and to our surprise, He ends up being in plain sight.
In His word, God repeatedly promises us that if we seek him with our whole hearts, everything will fall into place. No one can do that for us but us. Is the Lover of Our Soul asking too much in exchange for everything He so anxiously waits to impart onto us?
More importanly, are we truly seeking Him? Or are we just staring into the fridge waiting for Him to appear?
Then you will call upon Me
and go and pray to Me,
and I will listen to you.
And you will seek Me and find Me,
when you search for Me with all your heart.
I will be found by you, says the LORD,
and I will bring you back from your captivity;
I will gather you from all the nations
and from all the places where I have driven you, says the LORD,
and I will bring you to the place
from which I cause you to be carried away captive.
Forever Yours,
Your King
(Jer 29:12-14)
How consumingly romantic. Have you ever received a love letter like THAT?
I can't tell you how many times my 14 yr old son say's "I can't find the ketchup" when I intentionally put it in a place where it can be easily found. I have to stop what I'm doing only to find my son standing in front of the fridge just staring. I walk over, slide the milk over a half of an inch and voila! Miraculously the item appears. I mean, for crying out loud, LOOK!
I'm sure I am not the only mother who has witnessed this phenomenon. How frustrating!
Just like each one of us, our Lord wants to be passionately pursued. He wants an intimate part of us that no one else gets.....and He gives us the same in return. El Shaddai wants to be found, and He places Himself in places where if we would just actively look, even with just a little effort, we get to find Him....and to our surprise, He ends up being in plain sight.
In His word, God repeatedly promises us that if we seek him with our whole hearts, everything will fall into place. No one can do that for us but us. Is the Lover of Our Soul asking too much in exchange for everything He so anxiously waits to impart onto us?
More importanly, are we truly seeking Him? Or are we just staring into the fridge waiting for Him to appear?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
The Artist Exposed Continued!
So a few weeks ago I made a blog entry called "The Artist Exposed". I found the performance I was referring to on youtube!! It is soooo powerful! If you haven't read it yet, I recommend that you read the blog entry first, and then watch this. To read entry click on this: The Artist Exposed
Enjoy and post your remarks.....
Enjoy and post your remarks.....
Sunday, August 22, 2010
He Loved Me First
Beloved,
I watched my mother weep
as I left the world behind.
I surrendered my life for you
An exchange made in love
I claim you as my own personal possession
Purchased with my blood.
I will seek you although you hide
My own special treasure I pursue
Apple of my eye,
Your name is on my palm
Come into the garden
I whisper secrets in your ear
There is nothing better than my will for you
For I make all things work together for your good.
I give you my strength and joy
The right side of my throne
Have the focus of my desire
My heart is yours to seek
Put my heart in yours and yours in mine,
One in Spirit, we intertwine
Receive my bounty for you
Lavish in my unfailing love
My King,
I claim you as my Savior
the one who gave His life
Your love has compelled me
To dedicate this new life
I lay my flesh before you
And my all my will alike
I leave my mother and father
And leave world behind
You captivate my eye
I will search you out
Be the focus of my desire
I write your name on my heart
Meet me in my garden
My secret place is dark without you
Lavish in my adoration
I give it all for you to take
The story of repentance and judgement is not one of rules, regulation, guilt, control, pride, or power struggle. It is a love story. A voluntary exchange of self, life, sacrifice, and longing. It’s about loving correction and protection. God does not ask for anything more than what He is already offering to us.
Someone explained it to me like this. Imagine you were on death row, guilty of horrible crimes, and a stranger just came and took your punishment, so you could live. All he asks of you is to change your ways, say you are sorry and proclaim that he saved your life, and on top of that, he leaves instructions behind for you receive life and life more abundandly? Wouldn't you want to tell everyone who is on death row about it? Wouldn't you fall to your knees in thanks? Wouldn't you love him?
I watched my mother weep
as I left the world behind.
I surrendered my life for you
An exchange made in love
I claim you as my own personal possession
Purchased with my blood.
I will seek you although you hide
My own special treasure I pursue
Apple of my eye,
Your name is on my palm
Come into the garden
I whisper secrets in your ear
There is nothing better than my will for you
For I make all things work together for your good.
I give you my strength and joy
The right side of my throne
Have the focus of my desire
My heart is yours to seek
Put my heart in yours and yours in mine,
One in Spirit, we intertwine
Receive my bounty for you
Lavish in my unfailing love
My King,
I claim you as my Savior
the one who gave His life
Your love has compelled me
To dedicate this new life
I lay my flesh before you
And my all my will alike
I leave my mother and father
And leave world behind
You captivate my eye
I will search you out
Be the focus of my desire
I write your name on my heart
Meet me in my garden
My secret place is dark without you
Lavish in my adoration
I give it all for you to take
The story of repentance and judgement is not one of rules, regulation, guilt, control, pride, or power struggle. It is a love story. A voluntary exchange of self, life, sacrifice, and longing. It’s about loving correction and protection. God does not ask for anything more than what He is already offering to us.
Someone explained it to me like this. Imagine you were on death row, guilty of horrible crimes, and a stranger just came and took your punishment, so you could live. All he asks of you is to change your ways, say you are sorry and proclaim that he saved your life, and on top of that, he leaves instructions behind for you receive life and life more abundandly? Wouldn't you want to tell everyone who is on death row about it? Wouldn't you fall to your knees in thanks? Wouldn't you love him?
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Artist Exposed
Beloved,
I created your inmost being: I knit you together in your mother's womb.
You praise me because you are fearfully and wonderfully made; My works are wonderful, You know that full well.
Love,
Your Creator
Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)
Poetic. Everything our Lord does is a masterpiece; the words and works He inspires and those things He creates with His own hands. He breathed life into dirt and made us! We are His masterpiece!
I watched a young woman paint a picture for worship last week. We all watched her frantically paint random lines, colors, and shapes. I anxiously tried to figure out what image she was painting, but it made no sense; there seemed to be no order in what she was doing. After a few minutes, I noticed some women around me ooo and ahhh as they began to realize what she was painting, but I continued to struggle for my own realization. It was frustrating, and I felt like an idiot that I couldn't see and others could. Little by little, I started to recognize the images...When I began to identlfy part of the image, it seemed that she was almost done, but she continued for some time. By the time she finished, it was completely different than I had expected...it was so much more. It brought tears to my eyes. The painting was tittled: "You are my masterpiece".
At birth, you can't tell who you are or who are and what your purpose is. As you move into adolescence and adulthood, it seems to make no sense, and is so random that you appear to be a mess. The closer we get to completion, the more percievable it becomes. Sometimes, just when you think you've got it figured out, the end result ends up a surprise. Others can see the masterpiece in you that you cannot see yourself, and you begin to see other people arrive to completion ahead of you. And how many times can you not even recognize that you are a work in progress until the proccess is complete? Or, maybe it is never really complete? Maybe there is no end to perfection of the plans and blessings the Lord has in store for us? Maybe it is beyond our own understanding?
When you are looking at a painting and you say eww! It's so ugly! It's such a mess! No one will ever like it! It is not worthy of display! What are you insulting? Better yet, who are you insulting?
The awesome thing about this is that through His eyes we are without blemish. He only sees the completed masterpiece. We should see ourselves and eachother the same way. We are not defined by our lowest moment.
Art is the artist exposed; a manifestation of his/her truest self. Guess what??? We are Gods art! We are the manifestation of His true self, we are made in His , majestic, commanding, and tenaciously loving image...
Fearfully and wonderfully made!
TO WATCH A VIDEO OF THE PAINTING I WATCHED FOLLOW THIS LINK: The Artist Exposed Continued!
Originally written 8/17/2009. I did not notice the original date unil after I posted and edited this!! How cool is that?
I created your inmost being: I knit you together in your mother's womb.
You praise me because you are fearfully and wonderfully made; My works are wonderful, You know that full well.
Love,
Your Creator
Psalm 139:13-14 (NIV)
Poetic. Everything our Lord does is a masterpiece; the words and works He inspires and those things He creates with His own hands. He breathed life into dirt and made us! We are His masterpiece!
I watched a young woman paint a picture for worship last week. We all watched her frantically paint random lines, colors, and shapes. I anxiously tried to figure out what image she was painting, but it made no sense; there seemed to be no order in what she was doing. After a few minutes, I noticed some women around me ooo and ahhh as they began to realize what she was painting, but I continued to struggle for my own realization. It was frustrating, and I felt like an idiot that I couldn't see and others could. Little by little, I started to recognize the images...When I began to identlfy part of the image, it seemed that she was almost done, but she continued for some time. By the time she finished, it was completely different than I had expected...it was so much more. It brought tears to my eyes. The painting was tittled: "You are my masterpiece".
At birth, you can't tell who you are or who are and what your purpose is. As you move into adolescence and adulthood, it seems to make no sense, and is so random that you appear to be a mess. The closer we get to completion, the more percievable it becomes. Sometimes, just when you think you've got it figured out, the end result ends up a surprise. Others can see the masterpiece in you that you cannot see yourself, and you begin to see other people arrive to completion ahead of you. And how many times can you not even recognize that you are a work in progress until the proccess is complete? Or, maybe it is never really complete? Maybe there is no end to perfection of the plans and blessings the Lord has in store for us? Maybe it is beyond our own understanding?
When you are looking at a painting and you say eww! It's so ugly! It's such a mess! No one will ever like it! It is not worthy of display! What are you insulting? Better yet, who are you insulting?
The awesome thing about this is that through His eyes we are without blemish. He only sees the completed masterpiece. We should see ourselves and eachother the same way. We are not defined by our lowest moment.
Art is the artist exposed; a manifestation of his/her truest self. Guess what??? We are Gods art! We are the manifestation of His true self, we are made in His , majestic, commanding, and tenaciously loving image...
Fearfully and wonderfully made!
TO WATCH A VIDEO OF THE PAINTING I WATCHED FOLLOW THIS LINK: The Artist Exposed Continued!
Originally written 8/17/2009. I did not notice the original date unil after I posted and edited this!! How cool is that?
Friday, August 6, 2010
The First Note
When I started to go to church, I only went because it made my son happy. I thought, "Well at least he can learn some decent morals". But I really thought that although the life lessons taught there were good, the whole heaven and hell, angels and demons concept was a complete obsurdity. I thought, "Who are these people to tell me that the only righteous way to live is as a Christian? You people are mere humans, not superior all knowing beings, how can you point the finger at my life and judge when you can't really know for sure yourselves? Whoever this God is, He gave us all brains so that we can think for ourselves. There are many ways to the top of the mountain. How dare you act as if morally superior to anyone else. You are a bunch of hypocrits anyway!"
Sound familiar?
In my mind at the time, wearing a cross necklace was like having an electric chair hang around your neck. And worshipping something? My pride would not allow me to comprehend that. BUT THEN, some weird things began to happen in my life, things I could not chalk up to coincidence, and the more I communed with these mysteriosly happy people, the more I could not ignore that there was something to this thing. There was something I could not put my finger on, something living, something my insides hungered for.
This conflicted with my intellect, my common sense. An epic "battle" between good and evil? This book that mere men wrote? Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? Worship of some man that existed a gazillion years ago? I tried so hard to wrap my mind around it all and simalstaniously explain this hunger I was having. I just couldn't understand, but I knew that I couldn't remain in this limbo forever.
One night, I sat in my living room trying to understand the concept of this Christian God. Who is He? How are these things true? How is it that educated, normal people get so caught up in this? How do I explain my recent seemingly supernatural experiences? So, I dug out an old bible I had and said out loud. "Ok God.....show me what you’ve got. If you are for real, help me understand, which way do I go?". With my eyes closed, I aimlessly and without expectation, let the delicate pages flip from my fingers, and pointed at a random spot. And there it was, His first love letter to me...
Beloved,
Trust in ME with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Me,
and I will make your paths straight.
Love,
Your King
(Proverbs 3:5)
As I stared at the words, my eyes filled with tears, and I felt something... A rush of understanding flooded my mind, with clarity and peace that felt foriegn to me. He came like a courting gentleman who chivalrously appeared to carry a bag of stones for me. Out of the thousands of words written in that book, what are the chances that after saying what I did, my finger would fall upon those words?
And that was only the beginning...
Sound familiar?
In my mind at the time, wearing a cross necklace was like having an electric chair hang around your neck. And worshipping something? My pride would not allow me to comprehend that. BUT THEN, some weird things began to happen in my life, things I could not chalk up to coincidence, and the more I communed with these mysteriosly happy people, the more I could not ignore that there was something to this thing. There was something I could not put my finger on, something living, something my insides hungered for.
This conflicted with my intellect, my common sense. An epic "battle" between good and evil? This book that mere men wrote? Father, Son, and Holy Spirit? Worship of some man that existed a gazillion years ago? I tried so hard to wrap my mind around it all and simalstaniously explain this hunger I was having. I just couldn't understand, but I knew that I couldn't remain in this limbo forever.
One night, I sat in my living room trying to understand the concept of this Christian God. Who is He? How are these things true? How is it that educated, normal people get so caught up in this? How do I explain my recent seemingly supernatural experiences? So, I dug out an old bible I had and said out loud. "Ok God.....show me what you’ve got. If you are for real, help me understand, which way do I go?". With my eyes closed, I aimlessly and without expectation, let the delicate pages flip from my fingers, and pointed at a random spot. And there it was, His first love letter to me...
Beloved,
Trust in ME with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Me,
and I will make your paths straight.
Love,
Your King
(Proverbs 3:5)
As I stared at the words, my eyes filled with tears, and I felt something... A rush of understanding flooded my mind, with clarity and peace that felt foriegn to me. He came like a courting gentleman who chivalrously appeared to carry a bag of stones for me. Out of the thousands of words written in that book, what are the chances that after saying what I did, my finger would fall upon those words?
And that was only the beginning...
Monday, August 2, 2010
Encounter With the King
This is an e mail that I wrote on January 6, 2008 regarding my father's death on December 26, 2007 (2 weeks after he was baptized and publicly confessed His surrender to God). It has been slightly revised so that those who do not know the situation could follow. The fact that I wrote this on 1/6 is significant as you will see.
Sent: Sun 1/6/2008 4:04 PM
Subject: God's blessing
I wanted to share this story with someone because it has impacted me so profoundly...
This is testimony of how God took this tragic situation and made it His. While in practically a constant state of prayer day in and day out over the last 2 years for Papi's healing, I realized how selfish my prayers where. Still, I continued to pray, knowing that I was asking for my will to be done not His. I couldn't let go... I didn't even want to ask Him to help me let go; I just wanted Papi healed. I even preposterously tried reasoning with God! As if I had a chance! Finally, I began to pray for the ability to entrust my will to Him, and little by little, He did.
As Papi's lifeless body lay on the middle of the sunroom floor, minutes after the paramedics pounded on his chest, violently shocked his frail body, and finally pronounced him to be dead, I looked at his face and was suprised to see that he had the most peace filled smile on his face, one that words could not come close to describing, and not do to be understated. It wasn't an illusion or some sort of after death facial contortion. It was so penetrating, that someone in the house took a picture of it! I have never seen such a perfectly content look on anyone's face. This simple but abysmal facial expression was surely God revealing himself to me! Just think, if my heart aches just thinking about it this indirect view of Him, I can't imagine looking at God himself right in His face!!!
This provoked an awesome epiphany. This simple event made the meaning of salvation eminently personal. I now have a new understanding; the veil over my eyes has disolved. I cannot put into words how humbled, and overwhelmingly grateful I am now for the sacrifice God has made for us. . . for me!! Moreover, what the sacrifice was for! The words "eternal life" were electrically surged with breathing consciousness. All of my doubts about God's promise disappeared; He has allowed me to get a peek of a piece of Heaven! Look at how a mere glimpse has impacted me, imagine an eternity there.
I now am sure of where I am going when I die, and I know where Papi is. God has revealed to me his Glory and the reality of my salvation! He has manifested Himself in the face of my earthly father. This has truly been a momentous and lucid time in my walk with Christ. Not only am I able to surrender my will, but I have an extraordinary understanding of what being a Christian is. These are two of many blessings that came with the death of my father.
(P.S. WOW!! while looking up the word epiphany to make sure I spelled it correctly, I found that it not only means
"a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience."
it also means
1. a Christian festival, observed on January 6 , commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day. [funny I chose today to write this huh?]
2. an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity.
How about that?
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Sent: Sun 1/6/2008 4:04 PM
Subject: God's blessing
I wanted to share this story with someone because it has impacted me so profoundly...
This is testimony of how God took this tragic situation and made it His. While in practically a constant state of prayer day in and day out over the last 2 years for Papi's healing, I realized how selfish my prayers where. Still, I continued to pray, knowing that I was asking for my will to be done not His. I couldn't let go... I didn't even want to ask Him to help me let go; I just wanted Papi healed. I even preposterously tried reasoning with God! As if I had a chance! Finally, I began to pray for the ability to entrust my will to Him, and little by little, He did.
As Papi's lifeless body lay on the middle of the sunroom floor, minutes after the paramedics pounded on his chest, violently shocked his frail body, and finally pronounced him to be dead, I looked at his face and was suprised to see that he had the most peace filled smile on his face, one that words could not come close to describing, and not do to be understated. It wasn't an illusion or some sort of after death facial contortion. It was so penetrating, that someone in the house took a picture of it! I have never seen such a perfectly content look on anyone's face. This simple but abysmal facial expression was surely God revealing himself to me! Just think, if my heart aches just thinking about it this indirect view of Him, I can't imagine looking at God himself right in His face!!!
This provoked an awesome epiphany. This simple event made the meaning of salvation eminently personal. I now have a new understanding; the veil over my eyes has disolved. I cannot put into words how humbled, and overwhelmingly grateful I am now for the sacrifice God has made for us. . . for me!! Moreover, what the sacrifice was for! The words "eternal life" were electrically surged with breathing consciousness. All of my doubts about God's promise disappeared; He has allowed me to get a peek of a piece of Heaven! Look at how a mere glimpse has impacted me, imagine an eternity there.
I now am sure of where I am going when I die, and I know where Papi is. God has revealed to me his Glory and the reality of my salvation! He has manifested Himself in the face of my earthly father. This has truly been a momentous and lucid time in my walk with Christ. Not only am I able to surrender my will, but I have an extraordinary understanding of what being a Christian is. These are two of many blessings that came with the death of my father.
(P.S. WOW!! while looking up the word epiphany to make sure I spelled it correctly, I found that it not only means
"a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience."
it also means
1. a Christian festival, observed on January 6 , commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day. [funny I chose today to write this huh?]
2. an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity.
How about that?
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